ROH 'Take No Prisoners' reviewed

Written by Todd Hoster   |   Saturday, June 27 2009

Pro Wrestling Noah superstarts KENTA and Katsuhiko Nakajima (pictured) team with Tyler Black and Austin Aries in the main event of ROH's 'Take No Prisoners' PPV

First of all, I want to apologize for not being able to do the ROH on HD Net review last week.  I had planned on going to Tehran to witness the historic events of the Iranian post election protests first hand.  Unfortunately they didn’t have accommodations that met my exacting standards so I figured I could do the next best thing.  So I headed to Dubai and am writing this from the Ritz Carlton Dubai.  I figured I could watch the events in Iran unfold on CNN or Al-Jazeera. To be honest with you there’s so much great shopping, dining and nightlife in Dubai that I forgot all about the thing in Iran.

At least for awhile.  Now I can’t wait to get out of Dubai and in fact I’m flying back to the US tomorrow.  These people are wack.  Dubai is like Las Vegas if Las Vegas sucked.  There’s no strip clubs, no gambling and its even hard to find a place to have a cocktail and a cigar before lunchtime.  These conditions are barbaric and there’s really no way that I can function here as a serious fight sport journalist.  Obviously this is my personal cross to bear and since my professional duties take precedence we present without further ado the latest Ring of Honor PPV ‘Take No Prisoners’.

Fortunately, the intro above was written a few days ago and I’m now in Los Angeles with proper accommodations and am finally able to get to work.  The show starts from Houston, hot crowd chanting ROH:

ACE STEEL VS. COLT CABANA:

Cabana wearing a red jacket with ‘pro wrestling’ on the back that looks like he picked it up at Bob Backlund’s garage sale.  Fans start to chant ‘Colt Cabana’—Cabana and Ace Steel hug before the match.  Nigel McGuiness joins in the commentary—Cabana and Steel should stop wrestling and let the best promo guy in the business get in the ring and talk uninterrupted.  Not much going on in the ring—basically comedy and mugging to the crowd so far.  Show was taped the night after McGuiness lost the ROH belt to Jerry Lynn.  Comedy in the ring has degenerated to the point that Steel takes a camera from a ringside photographer and starts clicking pictures of Cabana.  We’ll fast forward to the end of this match.  Cabana ends up hitting the ‘Billy Goat’s Curse’ for the tapout.

WINNER:  COLT CABANA

Jimmy Jacobs cuts a promo in what looks like the boiler room.  Jacobs cuts great promos—picture Kevin Sullivan meets Raven meets Jane’s Addiction guitarist Dave Navarro meets magician Criss Angel.  Jacobs red bangs are tastefully dyed to match the fake fur trim on his ring robe.

CHRIS HERO & INCOGNITO & THE AMERICAN WOLVES VS. EL GENERICO & KEVIN STEEN & MAGNO & JAY BRISCOE

Briscoe grabs the mic, starts to talk and the heels quickly tapout.  Just kidding.  Chris Hero rules, and everyone in this match can work so this could be pretty entertaining.  Faces rush the ring and don’t even get a ring announcement before they start to wail on the heels.  All of the gringos head to the outside and the two luchadores work in the ring while Prazak throws out a bunch of “Cheetah Kid” references (who was actually Ted Petty aka ‘Flyboy Rocco Rock’ from ECW’s ‘Public Enemy’).  The Luchadores exchange sick head scissors while random brawling takes place outside of the ring.  McGuinness gives props to the ‘Nacho Libre’ competitors as Steen and Eddie Edwards of the Wolves work in the ring while everyone else heads to the ring apron.  Steen takes over with his power moves and hits the somersault cannonball legdrop.  Davey Richards tags in as does Generico.  Prazak deadpans that Generico is ‘a master of Canadian Lucha’.  McGuiness is so good on the mic, mentions that ‘if he were a gambling man that he’d put some money down on the American Wolves to take the belt’.  Still want to find the sportsbook that takes action on Ring on Honor matches.  Chris Hero works with Jay Briscoe, who then tags in Generico.   Hero is so solid—he’s a great worker who can also brawl.  Richards tags in, hits a clothesline and then tags in his Wolves partner Edwards.  Incognito tagged in—Prazak making references to every masked jobber of the kayfabe era refers to him as ‘The Cruel Connection’.  Incognito hits a sick springboard senton from outside the ring.  Hero and Generico work now as McGuiness notes the similarity between Hero’s ring garb and that worn by legendary British wrestler Rollerball Rocco.  Hero tags in Steen as the fans chant ‘Ole’, but Generico recovers and makes the hot tag.  All three of the faces rush the ring which begs the question ‘if they were going to do that why did they wait for the tag?’  The faces clear the ring and then Briscoe and Steen hit topes onto the floor.  That’s followed by solo dives from Generico and Magno.  The faces hit every finisher in the book on Eddie Edwards culminating with a bodypress off the top by Briscoe for a near fall.  Ref tries to ‘restore order’—McGuiness calls it a ‘melee’ pronounced ‘mee-lay’ which rules.  Ref bump, Hero pulls out the green Misawa elbow pad and heads to the top turnbuckle.  Generico catches him and goes for a brainbuster, Hero blocks and punches the ‘Generic Luchadore’ to the canvas.  Hero covers for a near fall with Briscoe saving.   Briscoe ducks the rolling elbow and while Hero is standing by the ring ropes Steen yanks the elbow pad off his arm.  Briscoe and Magno combine for a spike piledriver for the pinfall.

WINNERS:  BRISCOE, STEEN, GENERICO, MAGNO

Now we’re getting a video recap of the Necro Butcher/Jimmy Jacobs feud.  This leads to a No DQ ‘Fight Without Honor’ between the two men.  At least the ‘no DQ’ stips means that Necro won’t try to actually wrestle.  Fans pop for Necro—maybe they get a bonus like I do when they’re forced to watch him wrestle.  Since this will be a bunch of brawling we’ll just give you the highlights.  Random brawling.  Necro blades.  Necro brings furniture into the ring.  Jacobs blades.  Chairs.  More chairs.  Jacobs with the guillotine choke, Necro escapes. Necro hits the tiger driver on a couple of chairs for the win.  Could have been worse—a watchable brawl.

WINNER:  NECRO BUTCHER

Bryan Danielson cuts a promo about being ROH champ.  Danielson cuts low key promos, but they come off as tough and believable like Harley Race’s promos back in the day.  Now we get a video package about the Claudio Castagnoli/Brent Albright feud.  Now Nigel McGuiness comes to the ring to cut a promo.  Fans start a ‘Thank you Nigel’ chant.  Castagnoli comes to the ring for his match and clobbers Nigel from behind.  Now Claudio goes to work on Nigel’s (legit) injured arm and here comes Albright and now the match starts. 

CLAUDIO CASTAGNOLI VS. BRENT ALBRIGHT VS. BLUE DEMON, JR.

Castagnoli works with Blue Demon, Jr.  Demon hits a couple of head scissors before dumping Castagnoli outside of the ring.  He pays homage to Josh Barnett with the trademark ‘throat slit’ gesture and then heads out after him.  Back in the ring, Claudio takes over with a backbreaker.  Finally Demon makes the tag with Albright and he goes after Claudio on the arena floor.  Now Blue Demon hits a tope onto both men, but may have gotten the worst of it as he’s on the floor as the two ROH regulars work in the ring.  Albright goes for a cross body, Claudio nails him with a European uppercut mid leap.  He sets Albright for the Ricola bomb but Nigel McGuiness grabs his leg from outside the ring.  As he goes after Nigel, Albright catches him with the half nelson suplex for the three count.

WINNER:  BRENT ALBRIGHT

We'll talk more about this at the end of the review but WTF was Blue Demon, Jr. doing there?  Its cool he's on the show but he had no function in this match.  It was like the year that Harlem Globetrotters' star Meadowlark Lemon had a recurring role on the Mclean Stevenson sitcom 'Hello Larry'.  Larry would be trying to keep his hot little jailbait daughter Ruthie (played by Kim Richards) in line and in would walk Meadowlark Lemon.  The flimsy premise was that Meadowlark owned the local sporting goods store yet played himself.  He never had any real purpose in the storyline, he was just there because he was Meadowlark Lemon.  He'd walk in to Larry's crib, the exposition would come to a screeching hault, Larry and whomever else was on screen at the time would interact with Meadowlark until off he'd go and the story would resume.  At least Bill Russell tried to act (albeit horribly) during his appearance on 'Miami Vice'.  Anyway, it was the same deal as Meadowlark Lemon on 'Hello Larry' in this match, only with Blue Demon Jr.

Now Jerry Lynn cuts a promo backstage. 

ALEX KOSLOV VS. RODERICK STRONG

Koslov comes out first to the Russian National Anthem and jawing to the crowd because, well, I guess that’s what Russian heels do.  He then proffers a Russian flag when he enters the ring.  Now this all may have worked during the Cold War, but in 2009 doesn’t it take more to be a heel than just being Russian?  Not to conflate MMA with pro wrestling, but it’s not like Russian fighting god Fedor Emelianenko is roundly booed whenever he fights in America—to the contrary, he’s treated like the fighting god he is.  Koslov is wearing a furry hat—maybe that’s how you tell Russian heels from non-heelish Russians.  Kozlov is a regular in Mexico’s AAA promotion.  Lenny Leonard, who was replaced by Dave ‘Slap The Porpoise’ Hogewood on the HD Net show gives us the entire backstory of Kozlov leaving CMLL and now teaming with Sean ‘One Night in Chyna’ Waltman and Rocky Romero in a faction called ‘Degeneration Mex’.   Strong starts with his beefy backbreakers and some Flair chops.  Fallaway slam by Strong.  Big boot on the ring apron, Strong dives after him but Kozlov bails out.  Now Koslov takes over and puts on his furry Cossack hat and does this bit where he does a Cossack dance punctuated by kicks to Strong’s back.   Now Koslov and Strong exchange burly chops and forearms.  Koslov does this cool surfboard in the ropes move that gets the props from the ROH faithful.  Strong tries to respond with a couple of chops. Koslov goes to the top rope, Strong hits an enziguri.  Strong hits a big superplex and follows it with some more of those nasty Flair chops followed by a big backbreaker for a near fall.   Gutbuster by Strong, but Koslov counters with a superkick for a near fall.  If you watched Strong against KENTA on ROH on HD Net last weekend you know he can flat out work, and Koslov is no slouch either.  Cool crucifix counter for a near fall by Koslov.  Strong hits the Yakzua kick to the ‘Stronghold’ Boston Crab for the tapout.  ROH needs to use Koslov more often—he’s very solid.

WINNER:  RODERICK STRONG

World title Four Corners Survival match up next:

For some reason the fans start a ‘faggot’ chant at D-Lo.  Danielson enters to a generic song that sounds more like ‘Final Countdown’ than his ROH TV entrance music but still sucks.  Jerry Lynn makes like one of The Fabulous Ones, walking around the ring and slapping hands with the fans. 

JERRY LYNN VS. ERICK STEVENS VS. D’LO BROWN VS. BRYAN DANIELSON

Good staredown between D’Lo and Danielson starts the action.  The way these matches usually work is that a couple of wrestlers get ‘injured’ and roll around on the floor while the other two work.  Stevens and D’Lo start out trading shoulderblocks while Danielson and Lynn brawl outside.  As Stevens dumps D’Lo out of the ring here comes Danielson back in.  Stevens controls with ‘power moves’ and knocks Danielson out of the ring with a backbreaker.  Prazak says it’s ‘Lucha Rules’ where once one man gets knocked out of the ring another enters.  Now it’s D’Lo and Jerry Lynn with the challenger uses power moves and punches.  D’Lo is starting to look like George Foreman as he ages, but he hits a nice legdrop and Lynn rolls out.  Now D’Lo has to face ‘The American Dragon’, but Lynn drags out D’Lo and will work with Danielson.  Both men run the ropes and hit a plancha through the ropes onto Stevens and D’Lo before getting into work.  Danielson hits a big boot and running knee strike for a near fall.  Danielson gets his ‘Cattle Mutilation’ submission but Stevens makes the save.  He hits a power slam but D’Lo breaks up the pin attempt.  D’Lo hits a couple of Shining Wizards before Lynn hits the ring with a spinning DDT.  Danielson hits a missile drop kick and works with Lynn.  Lynn hits a German Suplex and a swinging DDT into a cross arm breaker—what we MMA fans would call an arm bar.  D’Lo hits the “Lo-Down’ for a near fall and Stevens makes the save.  Smart ass fans chant ‘Thank you Stevens’.    D’Lo and Stevens work now as Danielson and Lynn roll around the canvas.  D’Lo sets the superplex but Jerry Lynn breaks it up and hits a powerbomb.  Stevens breaks up the cradle piledriver attempt and knocks D’Lo over the top rope with a clothesline.  Danielson hits a big springboard dive onto the floor as Stevens and Lynn work.  Stevens hits the ‘Stinger Splash’ but when he goes to the well again Lynn catches him, hits the cradle piledriver and gets the three count.

WINNER:  JERRY LYNN

Tyler Black cuts a promo.  He gets extra points for his ‘Shadows Fall’ t shirt.  Main event up next, pitting KENTA & Tyler Black vs. Austin Aries and Katshuhiko Nakajima.  This should be good as KENTA and Nakajima are a couple of the best in the world and Tyler Black and current ROH champ Austin Aries are no joke either.  Video package shown highlight all four competitors in the main event.

TYLER BLACK/KENTA VS. AUSTIN ARIES/KATSUHIKO NAKAJIMA

Nakajima was trained by the great Kensuke Sasaki.  Our Japan editor Lyman Hoyt informs me that KENTA and Nakajima have quite a history in Pro Wrestling Noah.  Aries and Black start, with Aries talking trash.  Takedown and some mat wrestling as Aries works off a headlock.  Tyler Black booked as the ‘heir apparent’ in the promotion much like Magnum TA was in the NWA prior to his car accident.  Aries makes the tag with Nakajima.  Sequence of each man trying and countering maneuvers before Nakajima hits a Dragonscrew leg whip.  Black responds with a drop kick and makes the tag with KENTA.  Fans on their feet as the two Pro Wrestling Noah superstars face off.  Both men trade ungodly stiff kicks with neither getting an edge.  It ends in a standoff as the ROH fans chant their approval. 

Collar and elbow tie up, KENTA runs the ropes, Nakajima goes for a leap frog but gets dropkicked out of the air.  Nakajima makes the tag with Aries who is very hesitant to come in and tangle with the Japanese whirlwind KENTA.  Fans start a ‘f*ck him up KENTA’ chant as Aries tries to negotiates a ‘no kicks’ agreement with his foe.  Nice mat wrestling with the two men, which ends as a standoff.  Aries tries to get the crowd to quiet down and its some more mat wrestling.  Probably more mat wrestling in this sequence than in the past two years of WWE programming, and this ends with another standoff.  Aries extends his hand, KENTA kicks it away and the Aries slaps him in the face.  Now Aries gets slapped in return before catching a series of fast, stiff kicks from KENTA.  Black gets tagged in and hiptosses Aries from one side of the ring to another.  Black tags in Kenta who hits a running kick to the face.  Back heel kick by KENTA before tagging Black.  Stiff Flair chops by Black.  He sets the springboard lariat and gets knocked to the floor, Aries hits a double ax handle to the floor.  Nakajima tags in and hits a big drop kick and a stiff kick to the back.  Doubleteam by the heels ends with a twisting elbow drop for Aries for a near fall. Aries prevents Black from making the tag as Nakajima comes in and lands a bunch of stiff kicks.  Aries with a ‘Vulcan neck pinch’ nerve hold on Black.  Aries mugs to the crowd giving Black a chance to make the hot tag.  KENTA cleans house, hitting a suplex on Aries before hitting a springboard missile dropkick followed by a couple of Yakuza kick into the corner.  Fisherman Buster by KENTA followed by a Boston Crab on Aries but Nakajima makes the save.

Now Nakajima works KENTA with kicks and hits a suplex and a DDT.  Nakajima hits a missile dropkick off the top rope for a near fall.  Cool enziguri type kick by Nakajima off the second turnbuckle for a near fall. Fans chanting Nakajima’s name as he sets KENTA for a superplex or something—KENTA blocks and shoves Nakajima off.  Double stomp off the top by KENTA and sets for the Go2Sleep by Nakajima blocks.  KENTA tries again, but Nakajima reverses with a hurricarana.  Nakajima with a pair of super kicks before KENTA recovers with a clothesline.  Both men slow to get up as the ref counts, but Nakajima makes the tag with Aries who hits a suplex followed by a dropkick into the corner for a near fall.  KENTA hits a German suplex and makes the hot tag to Black.  Black with a lariat and a big forearm into the corner.  Black hits his Paroxysm finisher (basically a twisting reverse DDT) for a near fall.  Standing shooting star press for a near fall.  Now he heads to the top rope—he goes for his Phoenix splash finisher but misses.  Aries catches Black in the ‘last chancery’ submission but KENTA makes the save.  KENTA and Nakajima battle on the floor as Black and Aries work in the ring.  Buckle bomb by Black—Nakajima makes the save and all four men brawl and hit big moves.  Aries sets Black for the brainbuster but Black reverses it into his ‘God’s Last Gift’ small package driver finisher for the win.  Fans give it a standing ovation.

WINNERS:  TYLER BLACK AND KENTA

Entertaining show with great wrestling.   Here’s a couple of gripes:

--There was a feeling that they tried to throw too much into every match.  For example, the three way between Blue Demon Jr, Castagnoli and Albright really *didn’t* need the luchadore involved.  It’s great to have him on the show, but there’s no reason to interject him in a really hot feud.  The four way world title match makes a little more sense, as Lynn can retain his title without one of the top challengers having to ‘do the job’.  The main event was great, but not better than a pair of singles matches featuring Black v. Aries and KENTA v. Nakajima would have been.  While some of this is understandable—all promotions have a tendency to ‘overbook’ PPV’s as they want to get as many people as they can on the show—it kind of detracts from the intensity of the matches.

--Call me old school, but PPV events are supposed to be where big things happen—storylines get advanced, championships are won or lost.  This event did little of that—it provided some great wrestling but did little to advance the storylines or offer any title changes.  In all fairness to ROH, this was taped right when they got their HD Net timeslot and had to change the title from Nigel McGuiness to Jerry Lynn due to an injury.  They may have wanted to wait and ‘hit the reset button’ on a lot of their storylines to take advantage of their new TV exposure and as a result intended for the PPV to not have any far reaching storyline implications. 

Here’s some free advice for ROH—by having your program on HD Net you are to some degree at least going after the MMA audience that the network has aggregated.  They don’t necessarily want to see eight man tag team matches and 4 way championship matches.  ROH has the workers to do great one on one title bouts, great tag team bouts.  Keep the gimmick matches and Necro Butcher brawls to a minimum, offer a compelling alternative to the WWE or TNA and within a year or two ROH will be the clear #2 pro wrestling promotion in America.  

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