More bad celebrity themed pinball machines
Written by The Bad CPA | Monday, April 28 2008
Nothing like a fun afternoon at the arcade playing a game based on eternal damnation...
Thanks to everyone who enjoyed my first article about bad celebrity themed pinball machines. There’s more where those came from. This time I won’t rank them, I’ll give examples of several “bad pinball genres"? for your amusement:
THE BOX OFFICE BOMB THEMED MACHINE:
In 1991 Williams Pinball released a machine based on “Terminator 2"? and it was good. It had a gun trigger to launch the ball and a ton of Arnold’s catch phrases like “I’ll be back"? keyed to various game objectives. The film was a huge hit, and everything worked well together. Now the bad news: because of the success of this machine the production companies thought “Hmm. What we’ll do is release the pinball machine simultaneously with the film. That way we can use the machine to market the film and popularize the characters and catch phrases. That’ll also help our merchandising sales"?.
Unfortunately, this thinking led to a number of pinball machines based on films that were absolute bombs. Some examples of this genre are machines based on “The Last Action Hero"?, “Judge Dredd"? and “Hook"?. There wasn’t a cooler cartoon than “The Flintstones"?. So how do you screw up a “Flintstones"? pinball machine? Just base the theme not on the classic Hanna Barbara cartoon, but on the horrible film starring John Goodman and Rosie O’Donnell.
My two favorites are “The Shadow"? which is hilarious because Alec Baldwin is on the backglass and “Waterworld"?. “Waterworld"? was released in 1995 starring Kevin Costner and quickly became the definitive “big budget, no box office"? film replacing Michael Cimino’s “Heaven’s Gate"? and the Dustin Hoffman/Warren Beatty comedy “Ishtar"?.
Playing a “bomb"? themed pinball machine is downright surreal. The most pitiful thing is when the machine booms out a ‘catch phrase’ from the film that no one is familiar with. Fortunately, this trend died out with the demise of most of the pinball manufacturing companies. The remaining pinball maker, Stern Pinball, has learned from this mistake filled era and only does machines based around cool themes like “The Sopranos"? and “The World Poker Tour"?
THE DUBIOUSLY TIMED THEME:
In this genre I include themes that would have been pretty cool, except for the fact they were released well after the subject’s popularity had begun to ebb. “Gilligan’s Island"? would have been great back in the mid-1960’s or even in the late 70’s when a new generation discovered the show in syndication. In 1991 it was just creepy since nearly half of the cast members depicted on the backglass were dead. “The Six Million Dollar Man"? was released in the fall of 1978, just in time for the show’s cancellation. Clint Eastwood as “Dirty Harry"? would have been a perfect fit for a pinball theme, except that its 1995 release came 8 years after the debut of the last film in the series (“The Dead Pool"?). “Popeye Saves the Earth"? was released 15 years after the release of the Robert Altman film.
Undoubtedly the strangest machine of this genre is 1994’s “Mario Andretti"?. Andretti is certainly worthy of a pinball machine as he’s a legitimate auto racing legend. What’s strange about this machine, however, is the backglass which displays an image of grizzled old Mario Andretti. The smart move would have been to use his name, throw a bunch of race cars on the backglass and playfield and call it a day. Instead having the sixty-something race car driver on the backglass is vaguely akin to having your grandfather looking over your shoulder while you play.
ROOT,ROOT, ROOT FOR THE HOME TEAM:
A comment on the original “celebrity theme"? article mentioned this genre and it is a good one. It’s important to understand that the pinball industry has been based in Chicago for most of its history. Presumably for that reason there have been some machines featuring the local sports teams and stars. “Chicago Cubs Triple Play"? isn’t too bad due to the Cubbies national popularity. “The Big Hurt"? Frank Thomas was a solid major league ballplayer, but not really worthy of a pinball machine themed around him. The most egregious example of this was 1978’s “Bobby Orr’s Power Play"?, released not long after the trade that sent Orr from Boston to Chicago. Nationally, no one outside of Boston and Chicago cared. My hunch is that it was made to scam some free season tickets out of the Blackhawks’ management.
THE BAD CONVERSION FOR THE INTERNATIONAL MARKET:
This requires a little bit of an explanation: for reasons that I’ve never been quite clear on it was common practice to “rebrand"? a perfectly good game for the International market. Sometimes it was released by the US company, other times it was licensed to a foreign operation. You’d think that there would be some ‘creative control’ over the rebranded themes. You’d be wrong.
While I have a good grasp on the US pinball demographic I have no idea what sort of degenerate plays pinball internationally. Based on some of the re-themed machines its probably better I don’t know. “Mata Hari"? was a classic machine of the early 1980’s. The German release was rethemed as the more foreboding “Lady Death"?. This one at least makes sense as they had some Nazi imagery that Germans are understandably sensitive about (despite being historically inaccurate, since the ‘real’ Mata Hari was executed during WW I). Less understandable is the retheming of a military themed game called “Special Force"? in the US to the downright bizarre “Special Forces Girls"?, featuring comely women in low cut, cleavage baring fatigues.
Hands down the strangest International market conversion was an Italian repackaging of the US market “Gorgar"?, released in 1979. The Italian conversion stole the demon from the “Gorgar"? backglass, but lest the subtlety was missed the game was simply titled “HELL"? in big teal lettering. After all, what’s more fun than a pinball machine based around eternal damnation?
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